addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
