I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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