My liver just broke up with me...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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