I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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