Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
