You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
