You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
