i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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