I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
