definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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