But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
