Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
