I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
