the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize