I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
