haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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