Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
