god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize