Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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