lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
