My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
