that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
