The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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