I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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