it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
