Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
