Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I will be naked everywhere
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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