She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
