its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
