dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
