last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
