I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
