Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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