dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
