don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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