The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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