how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
