I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
zippers are such a cool invention
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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