I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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