She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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