They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
