I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
