Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
