yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
