Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
