Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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