If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
