Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
