your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
