Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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