and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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