3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
