I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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