If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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