3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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