After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
