you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
