We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
