I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
