Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
