The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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