My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
