Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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