I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How drunk are you?
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