I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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