It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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