So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize