Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just had sex bonerless
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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