so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
