she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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