did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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