Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
honey bunches of taint.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
